At war with skinny jeans

I have a beef with skinny jeans. First of all, if you moisturise before you try and put them on it’s impossible to get them past your knees. They glue to your thighs and in a humid flat it makes you flustered and panicked – will you ever escape your trousers? I’m considering starting a helpline for people trapped inside their jeans.

A PASTE!
A PASTE!

Having a second pair of hands to get me into my jeans has become a necessity (possibly due to a few extra kilos I’m currently looking after). This can cause injury to your helper in the form of scraped knuckles. Yes, that happened.

And then… then… *sigh*, there’s the terrifying experience of trying them on in shops. You pick up the ones with ‘extra stretch’, they’re sure to fit. You manage to get your feet in, just, and then hopping up and down, disturbing the tranquil peace of the changing rooms with your fight against the vicious enemy, you realise you can’t do the damned things up. So, you go for the size up but you STILL can’t get them on without pleading with the shop assistant to hoist you in. Reluctantly you go up another size, two sizes bigger than the rest of your clothes. The button does up – you’re in! But, wait… Your knees won’t bend and it feels like your legs are suffocating. Straight legged you march to the shop assistant and ask for the next size up again. They roll their eyes and slink of in their size 6s. You slip on the new pair only to realise they are too baggy. Exhausted, humiliated, you leave the shop, cursing fashion and 18 year old shop assistants.

skinny-jeans

It’s bad enough being a woman trying to get into skinny jeans but think of those poor men. I mean, they could do some damage, couldn’t they? Action needs to be taken because I can barely sit down these days – my legs are currently stretched out in front of me and I’m leaning back in my chair so that I’m pratically horizontal. I don’t know how much more I can take. I think I’m going to have to start wearing tracksuit bottoms.

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I’ve created a poll so that you can share your feelings on skinny jeans:

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